it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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