I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
