you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
