I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
