I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
