Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
