A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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