Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
