you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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