I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
