Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
now i know why i became what i already was.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
