"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
