I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
