its not stalking. its research.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
