Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize