her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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