I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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