"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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