I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Still dying that you shit outside
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
