I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
