An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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