Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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