the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
