so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
