and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
