You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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