Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
