i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
