and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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