She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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