she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
