last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
