Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
