OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize