You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
