I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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