Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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