Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
