If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
