i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
