big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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