I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
