I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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