So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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