when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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