This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
