so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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