How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he laminated a picture of his dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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