ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
