I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
