Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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