It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
