mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize