3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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