everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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