hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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