consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
