My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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