I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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