Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
