You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
