And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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